Saturday, February 11, 2012

Things We Lie About


Shhhhh!


Warning: this post contains mature content. You may want to skip it if you are under 40.

Of course, I am (almost) kidding :)

*** 

One day, my daughter came from school and said:
"You are the oldest mom in my class!"
Hmmm. I am 44. She is 9. It may be true.

"Well, honey", I said, trying to keep my cool, "it is quite possible, but many mothers must be close to my age".
"Nope" she said. Kids are cruel like that. "Emily's Mom is 32 and Julia's mom is 29, Amy's mom is 35, and all the others are in their 30's or 20's".

That stopped me in my tracks. 20's???

OK, so I know it is none of my business, but it just did not seem to add up. Shoot me but  I googled few of them. Wouldn't you? Sure enough, they are all in their 40s! (we do breed late in this area, I tell you).

Needless to say, I couldn't say anything in my defense however tempted I was. Darn it! The last thing I need is my daughter confronting her friends with "My mom checked it on the internet and your mom (the one supposedly 32) is really 49!"

Now, my daughter loves her numbers and knows exactly how old everybody in the family is, how much older than another person, what year they were born, etc (OCD anyone?) . Maybe other kids just don't know their mom's ages? Surely their mothers are not lying to them?

Also, I know that when I was younger, I always remembered exactly how old I was. Somehow, I am not so aware of it anymore. I was recently filling up a form at the doctor's office (so indiscreet, all those questions about your age and weight) and I had to literally stop and think, to calculate my age. I was shocked with the result. Seriously, I remember how I was always the youngest person in the office. Until one day, I think I came back from long maternity leave and I realized I am the oldest. Huh? How did it happen???

So maybe they just forgot?

Then I remembered another incident.

I was driving in the car with my daughter, my BFF and her two kids, who are roughly the same age as my younger daughter. Mind you, I met my BFF in college and she is one year older than me. '9 months', she always corrects me. The question of age came up again.

"How old are you, mom?" asked my friend's older daughter innocently.
"35" answered my BFF, winking at me.
"My mom is 43!!!" exclaimed my offspring earnestly (this was last year).
"Wow, your mom is soooo much older than our mom!" cried both girls with satisfaction.
"Thanks" I almost murdered my friend with my look. She shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat.

There you go, I am the oldest mom.
* * *
Do you ever lie about your age? Well, how about just letting people think you are younger?

I do it sometimes. For example, I have a 23 year old daughter and, of course, every time this tidbit of information comes out, I can almost hear the calculator turning on, in my interlocutor's head. So conveniently, I just don't mention it. Hopefully, if I play my cards right, they will think she is my husband's daughter from previous marriage.

Unfortunately, this clever scheme collapses because I forget to tell my dear hubby about his prior nuptials. "Your daughter is already 9? But you look so young!" my coworker compliments me at the Holiday party. I beam quickly. "Oh, we also have a 23-year-old!" my unconcerned-about-his-age spouse proudly volunteers. I feel seriously betrayed, as the coworker turns to me, inspecting my face for wrinkles.

* * *
How comfortable are you with sharing your age? Is is any different IRL than on the internet? Do you think there is a breaking point when it becomes an issue. Is 40 the magic number?


Please share, it wouldn't be any fun without you!

32 comments:

  1. Well, for me it is a bit more the other way. I'm one of those over-achievers that has a middle management job in my 20's but I do have an MBA and a major career drive, I've been working on this for a while already. I'm usually trying to look older, or at least more serious than people would expect for 26.

    I have an advantage in my company since a lot of the work is virtual but when people meet me in person they are often surprised and sometimes they avoid me, especially women. It makes me sad and I hope that when I am the older person in the office that I will be a mentor to junior staff and not be threatened by them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I remember those days, I was an overachiever myself. In part I think this is what created this issue for me, for years people were surprised at how young I was that I got used to it and then suddenly I wasn't anymore :) You do sound very mature and I was also surprised with your age so I can see how this may create some uncomfortable situations when people meet you in person. It should not affect the work relationship but I can see how it can .

      Delete
  2. Ha ha ha, I had to stop by to say that your account of your husband blurting out about your 23 year old daughter made me laugh out loud. That is hilarious! I'm 26 too, with a law degree, and do receive the same kind of treatment as xoxo from older colleagues. It sure is interesting how much age influences our daily interactions with others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, age and our idea of it is a big stereotyping and it especially affects women I think and in work place more than anywhere else, except for maybe dating scene.

      Delete
  3. That is so funny- obviously you have let down the whole team by telling your true age! I don't know that there is any way out now, without jeopardizing the trust these littlies have in their parents :) except to tell your daughter you're actually 35, and make up some reason for having 'lied' in the first place! Anyone over 16 is ancient to them anyway :)

    My BF and I have been together a long, long, long time, and are fortunate to look almost as young as our lazy and irresponsible childfree lifestyle would seem. Except that the numbers get very confusing to folks when they ask (19 years...)- would they be more comfortable if we shaved off a few years? I know I would! That 4th decade is looming, and I think we've both been having a non-stop mid-life crisis for years now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I have no way out, I just have to accept the oldest mom role. Hope there are some benefitst to it, maybe they will give up a seat on the bus for me :)

      Delete
  4. love this story. i've never lied about my age and i don't know why. it's just never bothered me. i'm an esthetician so usually people are quite happy to find out i'm 54 and my skin is still in decent condition. maybe i give them hope, i don't know. i have a soon to be 33 year old son and that usually freaks people out. i honestly have no idea why my age doesn't bother me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janet, I agree it is the age of our kids that freaks people out the most, lol.
      Your skin looks amazing and you do give me hope that my best days are still ahead.

      Delete
  5. I have never thought of concealing my age. I'm in my late 30s with a toddler and baby, meanwhile, my husband's best friends have teenaged children (they had their kids when they were in their early 20s). Sometimes it upsets me having to deal with the old mom issue because I often feel like I'm getting condescending or pitying attitude from others for having kids later than the so-called average, but other times, I just shrug it off by looking at my kids and thinking how lucky I am to have them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Louise, people are having kids later in life and you are probably pretty average. It is your husbands friends that had their kids early. And like my story shows most of the other moms are probably older than you think. Not that it matters of course, just saying ;)

      Delete
  6. Nop, 47 and very open about it, I don't see the point, I'm really comfortable with my self. I'm ten years older than all of my friends and it doesn't bother me at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tabitha, I wish I was just as comfortable, but maybe this is a first step?

      Delete
  7. Your story made me laugh :) I am in my late 40's and have been the oldest mother at the school parties and field trips. I also have daughter's who who are 20 and 24. I have never lied about my age. I find it funny how other women do. What's the big deal? I rather someone think "wow she looks good for 48" than "geeze she looks beat for 35" . Age is just a number, it's more on how we take care of ourselves and present ourselves than a number.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mini, you are absolutely right. I don't know why but it seems that somehow many woman would rather be young and looking older than the other way around.

      Delete
  8. I have never lied about my age, I'm 41, I feel young but maybe because MrBP is 53. Most of my friends are older, my best friend is 54, other friends are turning 50 this year... it's called feeling young by comparison!
    I had my son when I was only 22 and then my older daughter when I was 24, all of the other mothers were 10 years older than me, I remember wishing I was older. Then when I had my youngest daughter at at 31 I was more in line with the other moms, but still at the younger end. I am very comfortable with getting older, it feels right, especially with my son about to turn 19.

    I can't believe your friends lie about their ages, that's hysterical! And I didn't know your oldest was 23, we would have had our first at around the same age... there I am, doing the math, lol!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dani, this is it. I have to exchange my husband for an older model ;)
      And yes, I remember going to parent teacher conferences and back to school nights for my older daughter and wishing the other parents would take me more seriously. At that time my daughter was inspecting my outfits and would deem them inappropriate, she wanted to change my haircut, put me in moms jeans and baggy sweaters, just so I look an little older. You cannot win this, no matter what, we are always embarrassment to our kids, lol.

      Delete
  9. This story made me laugh out loud this morning, so thanks for that! I've never lied about my age (36), and don't feel there's a point to it, as I'm quite comfortable with it, like Tabitha. I'm a bit older than some moms at the preschool, but I'd say my age is the majority, which is interesting. Also, my husband turns 50 in a few months, so I always feel young in comparison! haha. Actually, he's the one that people are shocked to learn about his age -- he looks quite young.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi M, like I replied to Dani, I think my husband is to blame, we are too close in age ;)

      Delete
  10. LOL... this is a great post! Though I am 54 with a son 27 and a daughter who is 24 and a hubby who is a young looking 63 I was always the youngest of our group of friends. We have been friends with this group for over 30 years and these days they still think (lol yes they are getting forgetful) that I am younger than I really am I have to remind them I didn't meet them when I was 15 :) ...guess it is a sign of good genes and a great skin care routine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. seems like I need to also look for a new set of friends, maybe I can ask my mom if she can spare some ;)

      Delete
  11. This story is so funny!!! I don't lie about my age either when someone asks me, children or adults (of course most adults don't). It would just seem... insecure if I lied. It would be futile too as my age doesn't change whether I lie or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Greta, once upon a time I was a class clown, I love to provide some good laughs!

      Delete
  12. I loved your post. I don't tell my age or lie about it either, I just talk about my 3 year-old niece and let them assume I am much younger than I really am! Ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe this was one of the reasons for a celebrity baby boom, babies and little kids make people assume...

      Delete
  13. Hilarious! 35 and just starting *thinking* about having children...boy am I in for a rude awakening. Haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. turquise22, you never know, you may be lucky with the kind that is convinced their mom will never be older than 29.

      Delete
  14. Great post! Quite interesting b/c my mom was 34 when I was born. Around 3 rd grade I became aware of other mom ages. I was so astounded to find out how young they were. Never thinking my mom was "old" but always those moms were very young.
    The fact that my mom doesn't fret about her age influenced me.
    I don't know why we ever feel like we have to lie about age. There is something mature and empowering about a lady who feels age confident no matter what her age.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My daughter is in third grade, go figure!

      Delete
  15. Oh thanks goodness there's another blogger out there who likes J. Crew and is in her 40s like me. I just turned 40 this year and I feel like I'm a little out of my element with the younger fashion bloggers. I no longer have a 25 year old body but I love fashion and find what works with my shape.
    Niki
    www.fashionatforty.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Niki, I think there is quite a few of us. I think this is what is so great about blogging community, you find out that you are not alone and that there are plenty of kindred spirits out there, it has been a blessing for me.

      Delete
  16. I love this thread! My mom is actually 7 years older than my dad. She just never told us her age--ever. I found out how old she was when my uncle threw her a surprise 60th birthday party.

    My age is tough to determine thanks to 16 years of daily sunscreen (I'm 31) and good genes. :) Jen

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks Jen! Oh, your mother must have not been so pleased with this surprise party, lol!

    ReplyDelete