Love is a wave

U2 is one of my all-time-favorite bands. Last year I fell in love with their latest album, Songs of Innocence. There are so many wonderful songs and great lyrics there!

If you go your way and I go mine
Are we so...
Are we so helpless against the tide?
Baby, every dog on the street
Knows that we're in love with defeat
Are we ready to be swept off our feet
And stop chasing every breaking wave?

(Every Breaking Wave by U2

from Songs of Innocence)

Martha's Vineyard, the place i love

It is easy to fall in love but at some point in relationship we choose to stay in love and this where I think love truly begins. Love is a choice. We humans are always looking for love in some form, loving our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, our country, our jobs, our dreams for the future, our memories of the past. 

I think this may be one of the reasons we celebrate Valentine's Day, to remind ourselves that we are choosing to stay. Wherever we are, there is always some love to hold on to. Even if you are not in a happy place, I believe that when you stay with something you love,  love will find its way back to you. Because love is a wave.

love you so much A!!!

Hugs and kisses to all of you...

Buying What You Want

Back in August 2012, when  I posted about my wishlist crisis, this top was on my fantasy list.  You know, the style you aspire to and feel like it should be yours, only it isn't, for one reason or another. Well, during the months of my abstinence from J.Crew I was able to think of my style as more of an extension of my personality, rather than being driven by endless retail cycle. Actually, I did not think of my style too much, but I did think of who I am and what I want, and it only seemed natural that my clothes should follow me, not the other way around. 

A-Line Mod Top

I like to think that I am a modern, professional, urban women.  I value simplicity and quality in my life.  I hate anything fussy, uncomfortable, too ornamental but also too sweet or too cute.  I also want to feel a bit sexy without revealing too much.

Suddenly, I felt compelled to go ahead and place an order.  I don't know why I haven't done it before. Sure, it is expensive, but in the past, I easily spent the same amount in a month on a few tops from J.Crew.  Is it dressing for a fantasy life?  Much less, in my case, than 'walk in the meadows' flower dresses or Mad Men style skirt suits.  I also own way too much Glee style when what I really like is House of Cards Robin Wright character's wardrobe. 

But this top I can easily wear for a night out in the city and I think this is a perfect date outfit, even if it is a date with your hubby.  In fact, this is the type of clothing that I was lacking, since for long time I focused on my 'wear to work'  and 'wear to weddings' clothes. Well, I have more than enough to wear to work and nobody invites me to weddings anymore.  But I do go out, at least once every two weeks, sometimes more.  If I want to own my style I need to buy the clothes I love.

The package arrived after couple of days and once I took it out of its beautiful box, I knew it was exactly what I wanted.  The quality seems superb, as much as I can tell.  It is made of heavy and substantial cotton, almost like suiting items.  This gives it shape and structure, which is essential for this type of top. The way the armholes are cut is perfect, on me the fabric does not stay away from the body but it is not tight.  I don't know much about garment construction but I think it is because it is cut under slight angle, forming a slight v.  I love the geometric lines, it is such a sharp, modern shape.

Obviously, you cannot wear a regular bra with it, but a simple strapless bra will do.  In fact, the structure of the top will let you easily wear it without the bra, as long as you don't need a lot of support.

I think this top is best without a necklace, but I tried it with simple strand of pearls and I though it was OK, if I wanted to brighten it up.  However, chunky bracelet would be very nice with it.

My only pair of black skinny jeans is at the tailor's, being shortened to ankle length, so I tried it with white and I think it works well.  Really, any color skinnies would do, including blue denim for a more casual look.  I do think I would most likely wear it with black, the way they have it styled in the website pictures.

It looks good from the back, and the length is perfect.  I like how it is fitted under arms and only flares away from the waist down. I have followed website advice and ordered smaller of my sizes.  This is a size Small.  I would say it corresponds to numerical size 4-6 in J.Crew. You need it to fit in the upper part of your chest, then the rest should work.

I love the pockets, you can probably store your key, license and lipstick there if you'd want.

Details of the construction. You can leave the front open or close it with one or two sets of hook and eye. If you leave it open it reveals very little, it does not really come apart much.

If you are a sucker for nice packaging they will get you here. The top came in beautiful box, wrapped in tissue sealed with gold logo, your bill comes in elegant envelope and the package includes wooden hanger and lavender sachet.  The top is expensive but when it arrives it does give you that feeling of getting luxury.

The only problem is that  now I want the white version as well, but let's not be greedy here...

***

Do you only buy the styles you truly like or do you often settle for things off target?
Is there something you always wanted but somehow never bought?

Following Patterns

My previous post was about sticking with basic shapes and neutral color palette but I did mention that I love color and pattern. In fact, nothing makes me fall in love in an item of clothing faster than a beautiful print.

Oilily top, previously seen HERE

The problem with beautiful print is that, because it is visually stunning, it tends to get all the attention and sometimes more attention than a wearer. If the print is also whimsical it only exacerbates the issue.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to be remembered as a 'chicken lady'. Another issue is that striking prints are very 'memorable', so you cannot wear them too often. That's the reason I usually don't pack prints when I travel, especially when I want to pack light.

Our friend WMM has recently blogged about personal style and how she never has a problem choosing the way to decorates her house, but it is quite a different story when it comes to choosing her clothes. I can totally relate to Wendy.  I even blogged about decorating my house the way I dress (see it HERE). Sometimes, I want to buy something just to stare at it in my closet. But that's not very smart. Much better to buy a beautiful vase.

Instead of  'Bondage' dress

I guess having conversational pieces in the house is OK, because this is what they are meant for. But dressing should be more seamless imo. Even in the house, you don't want to crowd beautiful architectural details with too many objects, no matter how beautiful they are. But at least you have a bigger surface to work with, almost anything can look good with the right scale and proportions.

As an example, I love this fabric of my Living Room curtains, but I would not buy a dress in this print. A scarf would be beautiful. But I don't want people to stare at my butt to have a closer look at the baby chicks. Paisleys are another story, nobody cares to examine them closer.

My favorite trick to 'casualize' a printed dress and make it less memorable is to wear it as a skirt, with a sweater. This also extends the season for sleeveless dresses.

This print combination is more abstract, so something like this is is very doable in clothes.

 

Up until about 2010, I never thought that leopard can be so neutral and quiet but I have no qualms wearing this skirt. Or, maybe I am just the right age for The Leopard. I am thinking about Visconti here, what were you thinking ;)

What about black, white and gray in the house? Well, I usually gravitate towards warmer tones in decorating but here is (a fragment of) what is hanging over my mantel. It has a striking texture to it, that I could not capture in the the picture.

This painting sometimes spooks some visitors but never fear, I have some whimsical touches to lighten the mood.

Ori has come to my kitchen all the way from Israel, I love staring at him when I cook. Much better than staring at beautiful skirt in the closet, don;t you think?

And here is my nod toward my penchant for a little drama. Here is how I translated it into outfit.

No, I wasn't actually trying to create an outfit inspired by a poster. This would be something straight from Project Runway. I just happened to look at the pictures and saw a correlation. I suppose this just proves that I am drawn to similar colors whether picking an outfit or decorating, maybe more often than I thought. 

This outfit is a reverse of Terra Paisley one above. This is a 'skirt as a dress', while the other was a 'dress as a skirt', but it works about the same. Large expanses of pattern scare me a little, so I try to neutralize by wearing everything else in the same color, or at least in neutrals.

I thought at first that I might wear the burgundy Stuart Weitzman boots but after trying them on I opted for navy MacAlisters. The boots created a split focus in this outfit and were cutting off my legs with colorblock effect I did not care for.

Btw, do you see the white smudges in last two pictures? This is snow!!! It was pretty light in the morning but are in the middle of the blizzard here. Right now it feels very cozy to be inside and drink hot chocolate but I only hope we do not loose electricity....

Fade to black and white...

***
That's all folks!

What do you think of a correlation between dressing and decorating?
Do you wear prints? 
Do you feel like you need to somehow neutralize them or are you a fearless soul?

Is it snowing were you are?

Please share, it would be no fun without you!!! 

Gold Star Seeker

This summer, when I was on vacation, I picked up the 'Happiness Project'  by Gretchen Rubin in the local bookstore. The book, according to Amazon's book description "chronicles (author's) adventures during the twelve months she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific research, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier". Have you read it?

I am not usually into self help genre and most of the time I find those books preachy and annoying but as I flipped through the pages, I came across some passages that got my attention. One was when Gretchen describes how her husband made seemingly innocent remark about her snoring at night and how that provoked the out of proportion reaction from her. You see, apparently I also snore (although I am in denial about it) and when my hubby joked about it, it annoyed me beyond belief. It just seems like such an unsexy trait. I could totally understand how Gretchen quickly blurted out something unpleasant in response.

But the section that made me purchase the book was when she realizes that she is a Gold Star Seeker. She describes how they were mailing out the greeting cards to friends and family and how her husband did not want to participate in sealing and stuffing of the envelopes. She had designed the cards and took pictures of the kids and put a lot of energy into it. But aside from help, she realized, that what she wanted the most, was her husband acknowledging what a wonderful job she did and how great the cards came out.

This is me, I thought. I am happy to do the work, as long as somebody notices and acknowledge it. I guess, in many ways it is only natural and maybe obvious but it was a aha moment for me. Gretchen then proceeds with trying to change her thought process to be more in the lines of  'I want to do it for me. I wanted the cards to look great and this should give me enough satisfaction'.

When I read that chapter I realized that even blogging is part of it. I always liked fashion and putting together outfits and many times I received compliments from coworkers and strangers alike, but posting an outfit definitely gives me a chance to get an instant reaction, especially that it is coming from people that also care about fashion and styling. But in fact, this may apply to blogging about anything, since it is a format that usually invites comments and feedback and provides you with statistics on pageviews.

Here is where I am trying to change my mindset, thinking that whether writing a post like this one, styling an OOTD or writing a review, it is just something I wanted to share and not to focus on how many pageviews it generates, how many followers I get and how much praise I get in comments. This is not to say that I don't value what my readers think, of course I do! I just try to focus on 'I am doing it because I like it' part.

I also try to keep that in mind in my relationships and domestic and professional life. When I cook a good dinner or throw a great party I should be happy because I wanted it to turn out well. Any praise from others is just the icing on the cake.

Although... I do like the icing.

1. 

Wearing Academy Blazer by Madewell (review here), Doily Lace skirt by Anthropologie (review here), Pia  top (review here) by Banana Republic, J.Crew Nottingham boots (old) and Kate Spade purse.


***
That's all folks!

Have you read 'Happiness Project'?
Are you a 'gold star seeker'?
Do you think blogging feeds the beast?

Please share, it would be no fun without you!!!

Before the storm

Hope everybody is staying safe! We are awaiting hurricane Sandy and schools are cancelled for Monday and Tuesday. I still hope it is not going to be very bad. Last year around the same time we lost power for a week and we got more snow than in the whole winter after that. We still bought the Halloween costumes, even if the school parade is already rescheduled for Friday.

I am the cross-your-fingers, never-watch-the-weather-channel fool and I am usually in denial  in face of natural disasters and do not really stock on anything. Maybe that's foolish of me but so far we have managed somehow. We do have flashlights, candles and enough food and water for a few days. We also have many board games. There are plenty of huge trees in my neighborhood, so I pray they just stay were they are.

How about you? If you live on the East Coast, are you preparing for Sandy? 

  

So far the weekend have been fun. On Saturday I went out to a party at friends' house.  We had a blast and the food was unbelievable, I am still smiling blissfully just thinking about it. I was wise this time and only had two glasses of wine and still drank plenty of water. Let me tell you, I was congratulating myself this morning ;)

I decided to wear my Club Monaco Regan top. It was a hit! I was debating whether to buy it but in the end I decided that it was exactly what I needed. I am glad I did.

I am also wearing J.Crew necklace and shoes, J Brand black cigarette jeans and Kate Spade purse.

It is very hard to photograph black but I think you can see leather detail in the picture above. It was already getting dark when I picked up my babysitter, so the pictures are a little soft. Let's say it gives them that cinematic quality ;)

Today we had pumpkin carving on our block. I am always so grateful for one of my neighbours who is always organizing those events. I don't think I would have managed it on my own. Kids had so much fun and I think the pumpkins came out fantastic. Best part was hot pumpkin spiced apple cider, so yummy! 

our pumpkin in upper right corner

***
That's all folks!

Here is hoping I will not lose power and can stay in touch!

How was your weekend?
Do you stock up and prepare for the storm and other natural disasters or are you generally care free (aka foolish) like me?

Stay safe!

French Hen and why do we worry about age appropriate?

I knew this post was coming. I was thinking about it for a few years (!) and I knew I will want to address it here at some point. I had this posts half written about a month ago and could not get to finish it, but after reading WMM's and Gardener's Cottage posts I felt compelled to add to the discussion, even if, like you will see after you read my ramblings, I am somewhat conflicted on the subject. Another, very interesting post on similar subject, was written long ago by Lisa, from Privilege.

I am one of those people that always felt older than I was. Maybe because I got married young, moved to another country and had a 10yo when my friends just started thinking about having babies. I remember feeling too old for something when I was about 23. Then at 30 I was positively over the hill. Definitely at 40, it was about the time to order a coffin (no polka dot lining, of course).   

Anyway, I spent years worrying about being age appropriate. Is this dress too short? Can I wear polka dots? Flower print? Peter pan collars?  Shop at Madewell?

Many of these I did not want to wear, but it was more about the style. I did not want to wear ruffled hems when I was in my 20s, anymore than now. I am not attracted to bicycles or chickens on my sweaters because I think they are distracting. They draw too much attention to the design, rather than helping me look my best. I never wanted to wear peter pan collars because to me, they suggest than I am a good, sweet, innocent girl and I never felt like one. I did change my mind on polka dots and flower prints. The notion of femininity scared the living lights out of me in my twenties, but somewhere in my late thirties, I embraced it. Who knows what my late forties and fifties will bring?   

However, what really interests me is why do we worry about 'age appropriate' at all? We criticize celebrities for trying to hard. We congratulate ourselves on good sense not to wear a mini.

Why should a woman try to dress her age? I am attempting to deconstruct.

Biologically of course, we are programmed to be attracted to the young. It makes sense, since it gives better chances for healthy offspring. So the older women should not fool the males into thinking they are attractive. They should not be a competition for the younger ones. Also, the patriarchic society wanted to keep the married women with their husbands. Not trying to look attractive and possibly gathering attention from men outside the marriage.

Hmmm. I don;t like any of these reasons. Society has changed. Women became independent. They marry later. At the age of 40 previous generations were about to have grandchildren, stable in their long (although not necessarily happy) marriages. Nowadays some are just starting families. Many are getting divorced and re-entering the dating scene.

Does age appropriate means less attractive? Less sexy? Is there a difference coming from what physical shape you are in? How many wrinkles you can count?

And the funny thing is, this goes a full circle. If you are forty you may question polka dots, ditsy flowers or Minni Mouse print. But somehow, after the retirement age, they are suddenly appropriate again. Is it because it no longer matters? When you are obviously past the stage of being sexually attractive in the traditional sense of it, you get a pass on wearing whatever the heck you like? Because you are not a competition any more?

Sometimes we say, 'don't wear short skirts because I don;t want to look at your wobbly tights and wrinkly knees, it is gross'. But if a woman decides to go gray, which is also a biological sign of 'do not approach for sex - too old!', we applaud her.  Good for you, gray and beautiful, rocking the silver, liberated from coloring regime and all that. What if a woman says 'I have wobbly knees and I am not going to hide them, in fact, I will celebrate them'? Do we owe it to the world, scared of wrinkles, and offended by having to look at older bodies?

My assumption is that, in general, we do want to look our best. In any age, we want to find our ideal skirt length, dress shape or perfect pair of jeans. But sometimes, our shape did not really change, but we do ask the question, based solely on our age like in:  "I used to wear mini skirts and tight pants, but not anymore".

I make similar statements myself.  Few week ago, I was in NYC and I saw a woman, probably in her 70s wearing a short flirty skirt. The skirt was slightly above her midtigh and I could see good portion of her legs, which while thin, could be categorized as 'old and wrinkly looking'.  Suddenly I felt sad and overwhelmed by some kind of pity for her.

But why?  Who am I to judge and why would I think that she was 'trying to hard'? She did not look like she was trying to attract attention. She did not even seem eccentric. It was hot and she was just wearing her flower print skirt. With a black blazer. In all honesty, I think it was my issue, not hers. I was feeling slightly uncomfortable, seeing her 70 yo legs. Is is because she reminded me that no matter what, we all age and eventually die? Should she be covered so that not to put me in that position? I realized once again, that being judgemental was just a reflection of my own insecurities.

When I think about it, I really cannot find any good reason for being 'age appropriate'. Am I messing with my own head?

*** 

And, to end on a lighter note, here is my take on the (controversial) J.Crew French Hen sweater.

Size Small

 It fits large, I took a smaller of my sizes and it was not tight at all. I think it is very flattering and stinking cute.

It is dream yarn so it will probably pill. Too bad they did not make it in merino. It felt soft and the shade of navy is very flattering. I liked the tan version too but I liked the navy one better.

I will not buy it for the reasons mentioned above. I think it is too much of a conversation piece. But if you like whimsical, go for it. I think it has nothing to do with age. 

*** 

I would love to hear what you think. Why are we concerned with being 'age appropriate'? Should we be concerned with it? I hope the discussion will help me clarify my own thoughts.

Please share, it would be no fun without you!!!

What To Wear On A Summer Date

Yesterday I decided to pass on the white Lilah dress that I was tempted to buy, but after much deliberation and thanks to your feedback, I left it in the store for another happy buyer. You can read about my dilemma in yesterday's post. Anyway, since I was thinking about white dresses, I remembered that I have another white dress that still had tags on, waiting for a special occasion to be worn.

Well, I decided the special occasion is today. We are currently 'childless' for a couple of weeks having dropped my younger daughter at the overnight summer camp in New Hampshire and my older daughter vacationing with friends, so it is easy to go on a date. We thought we would go to the city, watch a movie, have dinner and meet some friends for a few drinks.

What do you like to wear on dates like that?  I usually end up wearing a pair of jeans and something fun for the top, but I cannot wear jeans in 90 degrees plus weather, I feel like I am going to melt and suffocate. In the summer, I prefer black jersey dresses, not very original, but it works. I thought of wearing my Kari dress and it would have been perfect, but I can wear it some other day. In the summer heat an ivory light dress would be perfect.
 

Dress au naturel

I bough this Surf Blossom Crinkle Chiffon dress in 2010. It has been sitting in my closet for two years with tags on. Normally, I would say this is a sign of something not working, but I really LOVE this dress. I stalked it in sale section and scored it on a popback and final sale, without ever trying it on previously. Fortunately, my regular size 6 turned out to fit me well and I love the color and cut.

The dress is made of silk chiffon and it comes with a matching slip, also in silk. It feels great against the body, light and airy and perfect for a summer date. I love this drop-waist shape which reminds me of the flapper dresses. To me this seems effortless, comfortable and pretty.

with blue Repettos and fun causal purse

I think the reason I did not wear it yet is because my idea of styling it was wrong. I was thinking pearls and light color shoes and elegant purse. That would all be perfect if we were attending an upscale summer garden party which did not happen. We had five First Communions instead, but that is one of the occasions when this dress was an absolute no-no.

Only this year I thought about wearing it differently. I don't know why it never occurred to me to wear this dress with a blazer and casual shoes (even boots) and accessories.

chambray cover up for the evening

I will bring my chambray shirt for an evening and for the a/c in the movie theater.  The trick I have for wearing this kind of shirt over dresses is that I flip the collar under, I like it better this way.  A slight sheen of the shirt makes it more elegant and the dots actually match the color of the dress.
  

toughen it up wih black

If it was a little colder, I would wear a black blazer with the dress, I really like the look but it is supposed to be over 90 F. This is my version of boy meets girl style, meswear inspired jacket and a girlie dress. This is MacKenzie (sp?) blazer from couple of years ago, it is perfect because it is light and unstructured and it has a nice drape, but I tried it with supefine cotton longer blazer and it also looked well. I love how the ruffles are peeking out from under the blazer.  If I was wearing a blazer, I would go with all black accessories and shoes.

love those ruffles peeking out

I feel like this outfit reflects my style well and I feel comfortable in it. I think I was right to pass on the Lilah dress and stick to what I have in my closet. It still hurts me a little to think of this dress not being mine (sniff, sniff) I but I will get over it.

***

That's all folks!

What do you like to wear on summer dates?

Please share, it would be no fun without you!!!

Basics And My Wardrobe Building Formula

Do you like buying basics? I always liked the ease of minimalistic dressing, but somehow ended up always buying special pieces and never I wanted to spend money on simple black pencil skirt, white shirt or navy v-neck.

The problem with basics is that they usually don't go on sale, like the more trendy pieces. I thought that since I am spending my hard earned money I should be getting something more unique and special, right? Wrong. I perpetually ended up staring into the vastness of my closet with nothing to wear. Because by the time I was able to wear my bought-at-the-end-of-the-season sale leftovers, my crazy print asymmetrical skirt was out of style and felt dated.

I started looking at magazines and pictures of celebrities and style icons and analyse what was it that attracted me to their looks. OK, so most of the time it was the faces and bodies but I cannot really change that (or at least I don't want to go there just yet). But when I focused on just clothes and styles, I realized that I am drawn to very simple shapes and colors.

It was rarely the multi-layered, statement jewelry covered, shocking color combinations or mismatched prints that attracted me. So why was I buying those things for myself?

Some of it was an influence of my mother. My mother is a very stylish woman, but her sartorial preferences are very different from mine. She would buy a navy v-neck sweater only if it had a asymmetrical sequin covered ruffle attached to the bottom of it. She is an Anthro girl at heart and totally at home with over-the-top, unusual and unique. She wears it well and somehow manages to make it look classic.

My mother would rock this

 

I can do this

What I like, is the most simple styles but with perfect fit and relaxed, feminine vibe. Sort of Calvin Klein look but without the scary looking severe hair and blank faces (at least I hope my face is not blank). Now, of course, this is is not too say that at any point in time I did not have a white shirt or a pair on black pants in my closet. I did, but they were the-wrong-kind. They were the I-can-buy-it-cheaper purchases. Bought under an illusion that everybody sells basics, so I can compromise.They ones that give basics bad rap as being bland and boring and I-can-never-make-it-work.

My theory is, that if you find those great basics, you would be thrilled to just wear them on their own. If you can only wear your black pants when you cover them with your blazer or you need to wear your white t-shirt with a cardigan or a statement necklace, you probably don't like it as much and they the not THE basics you need.

So here is the wardrobe building formula that works for me:

For neutrals, white, black, navy and camel are my staples. I own skirts, plain dresses, trousers, shorts, t-shirts, cardigans or v-neck sweaters in each of those colors in warm and cold weather version. More white and navy for summer, more black and camel for winter. I keep it simple and free of embellishment. Plain pumps, boots and sandals in black/navy and nude. Purses in black and light brown.

This is my base. No multiples but just the best I could find.  From my experience, if I have multiples, I end up wearing one version over the others. The only exception for me is white button fronts and t-shirts because I wear them so often and they need to be replaced frequently.

I try to resist the temptation to buy just any pair of black pants or white shirt. Of course almost every retailer would carry basic colors but I make sure I get exactly what I want and never compromise on fit. If you want to test it for yourself, try wearing just your basics for a week. And I mean actually wear them, not just do a Polyvore of them. Your basics should have fabulous fit and you should feel great wearing your jeans with your white shirt or your camel skirt with your black t-shirt.

Life would be boring with just solids so I add couple of neutral striped t-shirts. Or maybe neutral color polka dots or colorblock.  Then I pick two other colors I like. This summer it is blue and red. I get a few tops in those colors.  Then I add printed skirt and dress where my favorite colors are the base. Same for couple of printed tops. I add other colors in shoes, belts and purses, they work great with neutrals.
 

 

That's it, really. It is not for everybody but it works for me. Everything goes together and I find it super easy to dress this way. 

***

How about you?

Do you start with basics?

What is your dressing formula?

Please share, it would be no fun without you!!!