Saturday, August 18, 2012

French Hen and why do we worry about age appropriate?

I knew this post was coming. I was thinking about it for a few years (!) and I knew I will want to address it here at some point. I had this posts half written about a month ago and could not get to finish it, but after reading WMM's and Gardener's Cottage posts I felt compelled to add to the discussion, even if, like you will see after you read my ramblings, I am somewhat conflicted on the subject. Another, very interesting post on similar subject, was written long ago by Lisa, from Privilege.

I am one of those people that always felt older than I was. Maybe because I got married young, moved to another country and had a 10yo when my friends just started thinking about having babies. I remember feeling too old for something when I was about 23. Then at 30 I was positively over the hill. Definitely at 40, it was about the time to order a coffin (no polka dot lining, of course).   

Anyway, I spent years worrying about being age appropriate. Is this dress too short? Can I wear polka dots? Flower print? Peter pan collars?  Shop at Madewell?

Many of these I did not want to wear, but it was more about the style. I did not want to wear ruffled hems when I was in my 20s, anymore than now. I am not attracted to bicycles or chickens on my sweaters because I think they are distracting. They draw too much attention to the design, rather than helping me look my best. I never wanted to wear peter pan collars because to me, they suggest than I am a good, sweet, innocent girl and I never felt like one. I did change my mind on polka dots and flower prints. The notion of femininity scared the living lights out of me in my twenties, but somewhere in my late thirties, I embraced it. Who knows what my late forties and fifties will bring?   

However, what really interests me is why do we worry about 'age appropriate' at all? We criticize celebrities for trying to hard. We congratulate ourselves on good sense not to wear a mini.

Why should a woman try to dress her age? I am attempting to deconstruct.

Biologically of course, we are programmed to be attracted to the young. It makes sense, since it gives better chances for healthy offspring. So the older women should not fool the males into thinking they are attractive. They should not be a competition for the younger ones. Also, the patriarchic society wanted to keep the married women with their husbands. Not trying to look attractive and possibly gathering attention from men outside the marriage.

Hmmm. I don;t like any of these reasons. Society has changed. Women became independent. They marry later. At the age of 40 previous generations were about to have grandchildren, stable in their long (although not necessarily happy) marriages. Nowadays some are just starting families. Many are getting divorced and re-entering the dating scene.

Does age appropriate means less attractive? Less sexy? Is there a difference coming from what physical shape you are in? How many wrinkles you can count?

And the funny thing is, this goes a full circle. If you are forty you may question polka dots, ditsy flowers or Minni Mouse print. But somehow, after the retirement age, they are suddenly appropriate again. Is it because it no longer matters? When you are obviously past the stage of being sexually attractive in the traditional sense of it, you get a pass on wearing whatever the heck you like? Because you are not a competition any more?

Sometimes we say, 'don't wear short skirts because I don;t want to look at your wobbly tights and wrinkly knees, it is gross'. But if a woman decides to go gray, which is also a biological sign of 'do not approach for sex - too old!', we applaud her.  Good for you, gray and beautiful, rocking the silver, liberated from coloring regime and all that. What if a woman says 'I have wobbly knees and I am not going to hide them, in fact, I will celebrate them'? Do we owe it to the world, scared of wrinkles, and offended by having to look at older bodies?

My assumption is that, in general, we do want to look our best. In any age, we want to find our ideal skirt length, dress shape or perfect pair of jeans. But sometimes, our shape did not really change, but we do ask the question, based solely on our age like in:  "I used to wear mini skirts and tight pants, but not anymore".

I make similar statements myself.  Few week ago, I was in NYC and I saw a woman, probably in her 70s wearing a short flirty skirt. The skirt was slightly above her midtigh and I could see good portion of her legs, which while thin, could be categorized as 'old and wrinkly looking'.  Suddenly I felt sad and overwhelmed by some kind of pity for her.

But why?  Who am I to judge and why would I think that she was 'trying to hard'? She did not look like she was trying to attract attention. She did not even seem eccentric. It was hot and she was just wearing her flower print skirt. With a black blazer. In all honesty, I think it was my issue, not hers. I was feeling slightly uncomfortable, seeing her 70 yo legs. Is is because she reminded me that no matter what, we all age and eventually die? Should she be covered so that not to put me in that position? I realized once again, that being judgemental was just a reflection of my own insecurities.

When I think about it, I really cannot find any good reason for being 'age appropriate'. Am I messing with my own head?

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And, to end on a lighter note, here is my take on the (controversial) J.Crew French Hen sweater.

Size Small
 It fits large, I took a smaller of my sizes and it was not tight at all. I think it is very flattering and stinking cute.



It is dream yarn so it will probably pill. Too bad they did not make it in merino. It felt soft and the shade of navy is very flattering. I liked the tan version too but I liked the navy one better.


I will not buy it for the reasons mentioned above. I think it is too much of a conversation piece. But if you like whimsical, go for it. I think it has nothing to do with age. 


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I would love to hear what you think. Why are we concerned with being 'age appropriate'? Should we be concerned with it? I hope the discussion will help me clarify my own thoughts.

Please share, it would be no fun without you!!!

55 comments:

  1. 'A few years" - hilarious!
    I'm your opposite, I was a crazy dresser all my life, I strutted in leather trousers till they died a sad death at the tailors when I was about 35, I wore mini skirts till I was 47.

    Well I can only speak for myself, but I want to look elegant as I age, that's the bottom line for me.

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    1. I did take some breaks for shopping haha.
      Tabs, you ARE elegant and no wonder, having your mum as example...

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  2. Oh and I don't think any of the cutsie, girlie, things are appropriate after retirement , unless dementia has set in and you still think your 21!

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    1. I am not sure but it may be a very American way of dressing at certain age, sweaters with roosters and pink jackets, not sure if it is the same where you are, it was not in Poland and my mother would not dream of it.

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  3. Very good post!
    You are really a talented writer. I have a lot of thought like you have,but have a hard time putting them in words.

    Love the hen sweater in navy,but i havent decided yet if i would wear it(usually i am not into whimsical clothes).

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    1. Thanks Ina made me blush :)
      I have to admit whimsy aside, the hen is one sassy bird!

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  4. Thank you for this post - very thoughtful.

    I'm 37 (had to do the math in my head for a moment - I stopped counting at about 26) and my style has grown much less staid just in the past year. I think I'm going through that emabrace your feminine side in your late 30s stage you mentioned.

    I don't ever think about clothes in terms of whether or not they're too young for me - I think about whether they're my personal style or not. I didn't even try on the french hen sweater because it's not my style, but I think the navy looks great on you with the white pants.

    I bought the peacock/pink heart tippi during one of the last sales and I like it because it compliments my coloring, but I'm still a little unsure whether I can pull it off in terms of trying to look sophisticated and timeless.

    I've definitely swung a little too far from sophisticated and timeless lately in some of my purchases and now I'm correcting and trying to tone it back a little.

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    1. Cate, I agree think about whether it suits your style not your age. And of course at 37 (I totally get how you loose track, it happens to me all the time) you are a baby, wear whatever you like. Ikwym about trying to be timeless and sophisticated although sometimes I think this is overrated as well, so if you strayed, so what there was a reason you liked something you bought. Xoxo

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  5. Great post! I too had a lot of "life adventures" at a very young age, and they left me feeling elderly as I entered my 30's. Life goes faster for some of us than for others.

    To the issue of the day: I noticed from childhood on that the older you got, the more freedom you seemed to have - a grouchy old lady could speak her mind and people would say, "God bless her, she really can let you have it!" A grouchy old lady could turn down an invitation: "You're sweet to ask, but what on earth made you think I'd want to go there?" A grouchy old lady could wither a salesperson with one word: "Really." If the price of that independence was no more OCBDs, I was willing to live with it. I think by and large age-appropriate dressing is common sense.

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    1. Fred, thank you!! Sometimes I rebel against idea that I should be on a path of becoming elegant, graceful, faded into a background old lady. A grouchy old lady is a refreshing alternative and maybe easier for me to embrace. This opens do many new opportunities...

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    2. Absolutely! when I was , oh, 7 or 8, the grandmother on the other side of some of my cousins turned up at a family gathering. we were introduced, we shook hands, and I asked "What should I call you?" With the world-weary air of one who had met enough people during her lifetime, she replied, "You may call me Mrs. P--------t." I was impressed.

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  6. AJC, great post!

    As you know, I have been thinking a lot about this topic, turning 50 soon... As someone who has had whimsical taste all of her life, I am trying to dial it back some. But why?

    I don't mind my knees, and I hide my pot belly, but then I hid it when I was 16' too. I like my longer hair and I generally think I look prettier than I did 15 years ago and even more stylish, as I understand my body and the colours that are most flattering to me.

    One thing that has perhaps spurred me on is having a 20 year old daughter. I want to dress youthfully, but I don't want to dress like her or be accused of dressing like her, not because I am worried about what others think, but because I am conscious of letting her have some things to herself!

    As I age, I want less. And I do want people to think " now that is an elegant woman" when I walk by, not because I am insecure, but because we are all sending messages to our fellow citizens and I want the message I send to be "lovely woman who is taking care of herself".

    I don't think the hen sweater is too young. I could see me wearing the navy with jeans and my little leather jacket this fall. I don't even mind the dream yarn!

    I think we are all cursed right now by stylists who are telling us what is and isn't stylish. But I do believe we can and should make our own rules.

    I have come to the conclusion that there really is no age appropriate, only self-appropriate. And I think that changes over your lifetime. For me, self-appropriate is becoming simpler and a little chicer than it was a decade ago. But I don't want to completely let go of the whimsical side of me - think of my blog name! :-)

    And you are so right - judging others is tedious, judging oneself is even worse. I can't recall who said this, but comparisons ARE odious.. I love these topics - I learn so much from all of you!

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    1. You have great knees WMM and ITA, shorter length looks better on you. I like the idea of self appropriate this is my thinking too. We do want to project certain image and we should dress to tell a story we want the world to learn about us and it does change with time, sometimes because of our age but often for other reasons. I have to say I like the whsical part of your style and I would hate for you to totally lose it because I think it does partially define who you are.
      And I can totally see you rocking the hen sweater with the leather jacket, I love your styling idea!

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    2. I share your sentiments on the french hen sweater. Personally, it's about time that J Crew re-introduce something of interest!!! While it would have been better in merino wool, or even a cotton yarn, I think I'll probably be getting it in navy. I'm 57 and I think it would suit my personality - and I don't care what anyone else might think about that. LOL...

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    3. I miss some of the 'art t-shirts' that they used to carrry. I have one with great beadwork on it, and others with great graphics. I hope they start doing that again, and maybe the Hen is the kick-off.

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    4. WMM, I really enjoyed reading your reply to AJC. Several phrases and thoughts were especially perfectly-said and will stick with me:

      "...I want the message I send to be 'lovely woman who is taking care of herself'." Bullseye!

      "...I like my longer hair and I generally think I look prettier than I did 15 years ago and even more stylish, as I understand my body and the colours that are most flattering to me." I think this so often about many of my friends, who look more beautiful and radiant to me than they did when we were puppy adults!

      I'm especially struck by the re-emergence of long hair on women of all ages. Love it. When I turned 40 I started thinking immediately that I needed to transition to shorter hair, and I was encouraged in this thinking by my long-time hairdresser. The whole "let's get it up and off your face" argument, you know. Most of my friends went the same route. We all spent a decade wearing versions of the shaggy haircut that Jane Fonda wears (and ROCKS) now. But that cut is a LOT of work to maintain and to style (particularly if, like me, you have fine hair that doesn't want to stay lifted and piecy). Shampoo and 30 minutes+ with the round brush every single day. Somewhere along the line I think we rebelled against the work and the implicit message that we had to respect certain age "hair boundaries". Perhaps we have Jennifer Aniston to thank -- when she grew out her famous Rachel shag into a longer, simpler cut, so did a lot of us. Nowadays I see lots of women my age wearing longer hair that frames their faces softly and so femininely. I've grown my own hair out and have rediscovered that longer hair is versatile, quick and easy to style, and just great fun.

      "For me, self-appropriate is becoming simpler and a little chicer than it was a decade ago. Amen. I, too, am buying (and want) less, and I'm buying much less from vendors like J. Crew and investing more in fewer, better, simpler pieces that will last.

      Thanks for your post, and AJC, thanks again for starting this fascinating discussion!

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  7. I have long relied on that saying "a mutton dressed as a lamb" as the best way to describe "age appropriate"-and like fred says-"common sense" is the way to go. For me that is less about whimsy and more about mini, low cut and skin tight - aka "I only wear this in Vegas" (which I've heard before). I prefer to support women expressing themselves with fashion however they feel best and most confident. Personally, whimsy has never been my thing. I have always been more drawn to tailored clothing-not necessarily conservative-but fitted and figure flattering.

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    1. I think in a way I am splitting the hair in four but I was trying to make sense of the common sense, if that makes sense ;) I think the same way and we have very similar idea about what we like to wear but sometimes the rebel teenager in me stands up and blurts out "says who??"
      And when I try to define why do we even have any of those 'common sense' , 'mutton dress as a lamb' rules, I don't like any of the reason I come up with.
      I guess the idea of a common sense is that it should not be questioned or you end up with a mess in your head, like me :)

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  8. I loved reading this. It is a complicated issue and you touched on many of the key and difficult aspects of it: looking attractive as a sign of fertility, our aversion to wrinkled legs because they say "we all die", and our insane celebrity-obsessed culture which normalizes criticism and harsh judgement.
    Funny that the hen sweater has brought about this question in us: am I too old to wear that? I've thought about why I don't want this sweater, and it is not because I think it is inappropriate for me personally, or anybody, at 42. It's just not my thing this time, and I don't buy J Crew sweaters anymore, print or no, because they fall apart.
    I do wear whimsical prints: the Library Dress is a good example of that. And funnily enough I haven't wanted to wear leopard print because I used to think "old lady". Now I don't care, I want to wear it, it's practically a neutral anyway. Why would I think it is "old lady"?
    Like you I grew up very fast after having my son at age 22 and had no time to experiment with fashion while in my 20's or even my 30's. So now why do I have to worry about age-inappropriate clothing when I finally have the time and the money to indulge, I guess the answer which you have articulated for us is: I don't.
    Thanks for the post and the opportunity to discuss this further!

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    1. Dani you are the last person to worry about being appropriate, you are so perfectly and naturally ladylike. But i am glad you think you dont have to worry about it and I love that you bought the leopard dress, I think it will be stunning with your coloring!
      And you know, I did not think about it before I finished this post but I think the "we all die" aspect of age appropriate is not to be overlooked and it help me understand some of the conflicted emotions I have around this subject. Is this behind the obsession with youth in our culture?

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  9. This is a fantastic topic to post on. I am admittedly conflicted and hypocrtical; I am the first to mentally and privately criticize women I see who are dressed too young, (i.e. "trying too hard") yet guilty of committing fashion faux pas -- yet blissfully ignorant of my own poor choices!

    I think that what works is not what is age-appropriate per se, but how the individual wears it. Is the person "wearing the clothes" or are the "clothes wearing the person" kind of thing. Also, my criticism of "age-appropriateness" is usually directed at women of a certain age showing a little too much skin not so much a cute hen sweater (LOL!)

    Just my two cents! And FYI I am 33!
    http://what-i-bought-today-tc.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you TC! I am trying to catch myself being judgemental and hypocritical, not the way I want to be but it is easy to slip. Ism guilty of that and it prompted me to examine the roots of it. You are way ahead of me, when I was 33 I was first to cast a stone:(

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  10. AJC, nicely written! FWIW, I think the French Hen sweater, cropped pants and Valentina heels together look chic on you. If you're not a patterns-on-your-chest girl, 'nuff said. But should you be thinking about leaning outside the box, buy that sweater, girl. :-)

    I believe that women of ANY age ought to think carefully about their choices in clothing. I agree that it's most important to consider what works for your personal style, body type and proportions, but aging has to factor into modifying our choices. Fairly or not, what you wear will cause people to perceive you through the lens of a set of assumptions. And women are more scrutinized and judged for our clothing than men are. Maybe that's fair -- we have a far broader variety of potentially risky choices than men do. But rightly or wrongly, we are judged, and very harshly -- even by other women -- if we make poor fashion choices, like too tight, too big, too skimpy, poorly fitted -- it's not an age-exclusive thing at all. A VPL isn't a good look on an 18-year-old gymnast with buns of steel, you know? Yet, as AJC's instinctive reaction to that 70-year-old woman illustrates, "poor fashion choices" can also include clothing that just looks and feels a bit too body-conscious for a woman's age. As we age our bodies will inevitably become a little less fashion-forgiving, and let's admit it, parts of us will become way less attractive. So the universe of possible "poor fashion choices" gets bigger and the universe of what we can wear well -- or anonymously get away with if we aren't wearing it especially well -- shrinks. We should simply be conscious of that and shoot for aging gracefully within the palette of our own style.

    For myself, for example, skinny pants and shorter or slimmer skirts are actually the best visual and proportional choices. But the skirts I wear aren't tight, or nearly as short as I would have once worn, and the skinny pants are no longer the smallest size I could buy. I also choose clothes that I think accurately reflect who I am in my mid-50's. I'm comfortable and happy being older, but I'm slim, fit, physically active, and youthful in outlook; I'm educated and informed; I'm straightforward and unfussy; I'm pretty traditional and conformist in most ways but I'm also curious, open-minded and not the LEAST bit fuddy-duddy. Thus, I prefer classic, sporty or simple well-made pieces that I then have tailored, if necessary, to fit me perfectly (which makes clothes look much more expensive, by the way), and through color, accessories and the fashion-forward/cutting-edge style of a strategically-placed piece here or there, I throw in a nod to a certain level of fashion awareness. I don't do frou-frou, floral or big patterns (stripes and polka dots, though, are practically a personal trademark!) The French Hen sweater and the Tippi Heart sweaters would make it to my closet easily, but I'd wear them in the simplest, sportiest way possible.

    A great example of aging gracefully in her personal style and clothing choices: Jane Fonda. She's in her 70's, and she's still beautiful, very fit and boy, she looks like a million bucks. Her clothes are still slim-cut, but always simple and elegantly draped, and everything artfully accentuates her good and hides her not-so-good. She favors a higher neckline or scarf (hiding: older neck, older chest), slender trousers and pencil skirts (accentuating: lovely long legs and slim hips), and structured blazers (featuring: nice broad shoulders and good posture; hiding: ever-so-slightly thicker midsection). I'll bet it's been a looooong time since Jane Fonda has been seen in public in a teeny little skirt with bare legs showing.

    Thanks for starting this thread. Such an interesting discussion to have!

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    1. You have said it perfectly, this is great way to describe how to dress appropriately for our style and body type. I love Jane Fonda's style too, great examples.
      Btw, the line about perfect skirt length comes from your post about it. I loved those posts! Do you ever think of doing more of them?

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    2. Thank you, AJC!!! Gosh, it's been a long time since I did the "skirt length" and other body-proportioning posts. I did learn a whole lot back in the days when I sold uber-expensive clothes for one of those companies who does only private in-home shows. They trained us well in fabrics, fit, proportioning, alterations, coloration -- you name it. And then I ended up teaching at their training institute for a couple of years. So yep, I have thought from time to time about writing more similar blog pieces, but I'm honestly such a sporadic blogger that I'm not sure an audience would find them (understandably).

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    3. TarHeelMom - You know I will link to them ;)

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    4. If you ever wanted to do a guest post I will be honored to have you here.

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  11. I am one of the few, I think, that have no qualms about aging. I had a bit of an icky teenage period, and emerged rather messed up. Entering the working world, I was all about dressing seriously. Daily black, with only real jewelry. Then I met a great guy that I married (late-ish at 30), quit my job, went back to school for something more to my liking, had kids (in the interest of full disclosure, I must add an asterisk here -- with the third kid in three years was added an antidepressant!), loosened up, and actually started enjoying my life. In came color and prints and costume jewelry (which makes me a perfect JCuckoo, no) (and my wardrobe literally grew by 10 times over, the only downside) and I am so much better. I think it's all about personal choice. Wear what makes you feel good, whatever other people say, as long as appropriate for the setting.

    And oh, I do love that hen sweater in navy, much more than the other colors!

    Have a great weekend!

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    1. Hi Audrey, this is so true that a lot of our attitude depends on our life experiences. It is great that you were able to embrace color and pattern and fun and are not concerned with aging and such silliness. I hope to be more like that and I feel that the older I get the less I am concerned with being appropriate and with what others will think.
      One thing about this blog, it helped me articulate what I think on many subjects and it helps me really own it, if ykwim.


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  12. I also looked older for my age up until 45, and so dressed the part to be "sophisticated".
    With each new boutique I managed and did the purchasing for, I got to play the role of someone new. All black avante guarde, hippy chic with loads of offbeat colors, traditional with a twist and stupidly expensive.
    It was fun to use clothing as "costume"? When I planned how to dress each morning, it was for the impact I would make, "the show" and my taste was not part of the equation. It was a very freeing way to dress. I couldn't make a mistake because it wasn't really me!
    Now I dress for me. Feeling the need to dress age appropriately (in whose eyes?) is insecurity driven to be sure. In high school it was the potential snickers from mean girls that got our defenses up, now it seems we are inflicting it on ourselves or allowing it to be inflicted. I admit I want my appearance and wardrobe to age gracefully, but I also don't want to have all the fun sucked out of it.
    That being said, the J Crew sweater reminds me of something a kindergarten teacher would wear. I wouldn't be caught dead in it. Buts that's my personal style, not everyone's. That why it's called PERSONAL Style.

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    1. I agree that being concerned with age appropriate is about our insecurities. After all we are questioning our own judgement. But I think we are never totally secure and maybe that is a good thing, after all we do live in a society and we dont see ourselves as much as others see us. It is all about striking a balance like others said but that is the hardest thing, isn't it?

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  13. When in doubt, don't. Ben Franklin

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    1. Oh, but he just killed Hamlet :)

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    2. ....When in doubt, buy then later resell on eBay?

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  14. I think this is absolutely age appropriate. I think this its a fun, animated adult sweater. I see this as a weekend sweater, with jeans and the Jenna bracelet. I won't be buying it, because of the pilling issues with the dream sweaters. If it was a different material, I would be all over it.

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    1. I can totally see it as a weekend sweater if you don't mind a little whimsy. The beret is a brilliant touch.

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  15. Geat post. I have already replied at lenghth about the age issue on other threads, so I will save you my thoughts! As I have said before, the fabric content is the biggest detriment in my mind to owning that sweater. I do have to say that the sweater with those white pants and Valentina is absolutely stunning on you. That may be the best combination I have seen with the sweater yet!

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    1. I think the only dream sweater I got was a cambridge cardigan from 3 or 4 years ago. It pulled only slightly, no worse than cashmere. I gave to my mom and missed it ever since it was a perfect camel shade and long lean length, I wish they make a copy.

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  16. I am 53, nearly 54 for anyone planning to attend the celebration, and as for this sweater, I just know that I rarely ever wear the items in my wardrobe which are too "representative" ie have images, pictures, photo-realism, critters, etc. There are only a few exceptions and they are generally too small to notice till you are up close or fit into some other exception (ie florals like Liberty and others). I have always ended up feeling that these clothing pieces wear me rather than the other way around. This realization has come more with age as certainly I had my share of t-shirts with many images! If this were a small embroidered french hen as a "logo" then count me in.... otherwise, it will be a pass. I do wear JCrew critter jewelry (giraffe necklace from a few years ago, bee necklace with green glass beads, ram necklace) but not critter clothes. I think my sentiments have been expressed well above: it is a matter of evolving personal style rather than age per se which moves me in different directions as I age. The palette of my clothing choices seems to have settled, and some things are apparently never meant to be (no blazers, few black items, etc.). I want to follow the suggestion of tailoring now...I can afford it and it makes more difference!

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    1. We should all celebrate! This is my sentiment too, the sweater is cute, the hen is adorable but it definitely is one of the pieces that will 'wear you' not the other way around. I would think even the compliments you'd get would not be 'you look great' but 'what a cute chicken!'

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  17. I just hit over 40 and I struggle with this issue all of the time. I think my reasoning for getting away from some of the trends is that I now want to invest in more timeless pieces which tend to not have bikes or roosters on them. I'm more conscious of how I spend my money on clothes. I would wear colored jeans but probably not the highly embellished ones and I would wear critters or ruffles but not something very elaborate. I just bought the Peter Pan tee and never gave it a thought until I started seeing the blog posts and have been worried I would look silly. I think if you wear clothes that flatter you then it doesn't matter your age. I have seen plenty of 18 years olds who shouldn't have been wearing a mini or that neckline. Didn't Coco Chanel say “Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.” When I saw that photo in the other post of Jackie O all I thought was how chic she looked not that the skirt was over her knee.

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    1. Teri, this is a great line from Chanel! It expresses my sentiments exactly!

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  18. AJC, you actually do look cute in this sweater (which is great if you are going for "cute"). However, I can picture the same outfit above with a solid merino or cashmere Tippi and think it would look so much more elegant.

    I am 39 and in the past year have made some major changes to my wardrobe based on how I feel about myself and how want people to perceive me. I have pared my palette down to the charcoal, navy, white, ivory and camel I prefer for basics and have purchased accents in the French blue, green and orange I adore and feel are flattering. I no longer have many dizzy florals, argyles, items with big bows or other thing else that makes people notice my clothing instead of me. Most of what I own is now clean lined and simple, but I am happier with my wardrobe as a whole than I have been in years. For me it is not as much as matter of age appropriateness as it picking items that fit in with my personal style and suit my preferences.

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    1. Kitsmommy, you articulated my thoughts perfectly. Yes I think this sweater looks good because the fit and colors are nice but this outfit would look more elegant and sophisticated and more my style if it was replaced with same fit navy merino crew neck and a scarf or necklace. In fact they have a scarf in French hen print, it is a great alternative to the sweater but I already got my French hen fix. I bought an iPhone cover! This is a doze of irony I am perfectly comfortable with :)

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  19. I like that J. Crew is being less boring in putting out things like the hen sweater, but on the other hand, I don't really like it. J Crew has been trying to be less boring by putting out very expensive collection oddities, so it is nice to see them trying with something at a better price point. So while I don't care for the hen sweater, I hope they'll keep trying some things like this to balance how they churn out more of the basic styles in different colors etc. Things like the hen sweaters are fresh and interesting, even if this one isn't my style. That said, I wouldn't have worn the hen sweater at any age, it just isn't me.

    With regards to aging and fashion, I think of it in two categories. First there is the body-covering aspect of it. I'm in my mid-to-late 40s. I wear 5" shorts all the time, but shouldn't I be wearing bermuda shorts at my age?? I feel terrible in long shorts, though. I look terrible in long shorts. They are hot and constricting. Buuuuut.... I don't wear 3" shorts, no matter how cute they are. Why not? I would have worn them when I was younger. Now I'd only wear short-shorts around the house or at the beach. But why do I care? Am I more self-conscious now that my body is aging? I think I don't want to be seen as an older person trying to dress like a young person (also, the 3" shorts don't look very good on me). The 3" shorts feel too revealing. Mini-skirts feel too revealing. Reality is, they probably look fine on me, but I don't feel good in them any more.

    Then there's the too-juvenile aspect of it. I own and wear a Hello Kitty t-shirt, I wear flip-flops way too much for a person my age, jeans, cutoff jean shorts, un-tucked button-downs/flannel shirts, Uggs, etc. I wear this stuff a lot, in spite of being drawn to the pretty grown-up clothes at J. Crew etc. I am trying to buy and wear more grown-up clothes, because there are times I should dress like a grown-up, but I am definitely drawn to wearing the same kinds of things I wore when I was a teenager. This is the category where I don't see myself changing as I get older still.

    So for me, I like what I like and I'll wear it forever, as long as my private bits aren't hanging out obscenely lol.

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    1. You are right cate, I like them to try something different from Jules dress, Talitha (or whatever the current name is) blouse, Nicky/Naomi/whatever cami etc. Of course there is also this thought that, like Gigi says below, the joke is on us...
      Funny you mention shorts, this is the year when I decided I prefer 5" shorts. Bermudas look awful on me and I always prefered short shorts and I have quite a few 3" ones. I still wear them and, in fact, I bought apple shorts and I love them but somehow I think the proportions are better on 5", not sure if it is the age thing, I still do like my legs.
      I like a bit of juvenile an dwhimsical but I think this hen is just too big and 'in your face' for me. I mentioned the apple shorts Iown and I have my elephant necklace and now the french hen iPhone cover. That's just the right amount of whimsy for me.

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  20. More well articulated thoughts from AJC! There are many issues that this sweater brings up, as you've pointed out. I will put two issues on a coin for my comments here.

    On one side, I think how I want to be perceived. I don't play often, but when I do, I sometimes carded for Lotto which you know is age 18 minimum. I look very young in the face for 40 & ppl seem to associate my short height w/my age. I can probably easily get away w/the hen sweater and no one will think I'm too old for it. I guess it might also look cute when I have Mini G in tow. However, because I look young, I find clothing with text or graphics give people an unauthorized pass where they think they can say anything to me. I'm not referring to lewd comments. Just anyone who assumes they are older than me and think they are giving me advice, showing me they are wiser, etc... I laugh inside because I'm quite certain that I'm older than some of these random strangers. I went thru it quite a bit when I was pregnant...folks telling me how young I am and how I have PLENTY of time to have more kids. If they only knew my age and what I went thru to get the baby I have. I stopped correcting these total strangers and just smiled and nodded. It doesn't really matter. But with clothing it *can* matter because we will be judged -- esp as women -- on what we wear. So that's what I consider when I choose clothing. What is the image I want to project? However, I know how to use my voice to create an impression. I can speak w/a deeper tone to indicate authority, maturity, responsibility. I can speak w/a much higher tone to be less threatening, more easily accepted and I use this when dealing w/retail personnel. They tend to be younger & I find if I sound more like them it makes things easier on me. I also know the things I choose to talk about create an impression. This doesn't mean I will wear a mini skirt & talk about quadratic equations. I would do neither, actually. But you get my point.

    The other side of the coin is the cartoonish design of this hen. This is when my eyes narrow and I wonder if the joke is on us. From time to time I see the J Crew design team laughing over a sketch they think is hokey. They purposely put it out to see if we will go crazy for it. Then they laugh all the way to the bank. The hen looks like something someone spent no time or effort on and then they put in on horribly itchy fabric. It irritates me. Luckily I am not one who paid $150+ on Ebay for the tissue rose tee that caused insanity a few years ago, but I think about that when I see excitement for things like this.

    If it were a rooster would it simply be ok because it's a male and gets unspoken respect? Are we bashing the hen because it's a female? lol

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    1. Gigi, nothing better than to curl up with a novel :)
      I share your sentiments. It is funny about remarks you got with MiniG, I kwym becasue I got my fair share of it too. I get that at work a lot, when people mention a show from the 90' and then assume that it was well beofore my time, I chuckle. Now if I also come in hen sweaters and apple skirts that may put me in embarassing position when I have to correct them...
      I also wonder about who is ironic here. I remember a scene from a movie where Chinese guy was putting whatever came to his mind on those cookie fortunes and laughing about how white people love this kind of ancient wisdom BS. Put a bird on it, they will eat it up...
      Hehe about the rooster vs hen, so right ;)

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  21. Great post and you really have put a lot of time into this topic. I guess we're all getting to the stage where we want to feel really good about our purchases. I know if I get too trendy I end up with it in the closet. I'm trying to correct this and have fun with accessories . I find I'm happy with classic styles. I'm embracing colour up top because my skin is dull and it lights up the eyes. You always look great in your pictures even after work . I remember earlier this year you had a post on wanting to change up your style.
    You have style and at least you're open to change.

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    1. Thank you Marsha, of course I am vain and pick the best angles I managed to snap :)
      ITA about accesories, french hen scarf is probably safer bet. My daughter saw the pictures and exclaimed 'sooo adorable, you MUST get it!' so I got the iPhone cover.

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  22. I checked this hen sweater out at the Bridgeport OR store and thought it felt "cheep". It just wasn't working for me at all, even though I do enjoy some whimsy in fashion from time to time. This sweater doesn't make it into my shopping bag. The sweater is really thin and I prefer my sweaters to have a little more heft to them. PASS.

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    1. The sweater is thin and will probably pill, this will defnitely take away some of the charm.

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  23. I think your comment about the style and whether it suits you is bang on and resonates more with me than age-appropriate. I am not into twee and you've listed a lot of what I consider twee. BTW, the Peter Pan collars are twee squared IMO. Never, in a million years....

    I think we could often just drop off the "age" portion when we are judging outfits and face it, humans judge everything in a nanosecond, it's why we are still roaming the earth. When I see someone I consider whether the outfit is appropriate for the person, the body shape, the location/context in which it is worn and how they present themselves. I'll admit that I have a baseline in my head though, and some things I consider inappropriate at first sight. Yep, I'm harsh but you would never know it from my expression because I will always strive to be gracious, even if I'm experiencing an inner eyeroll. After all, no one made me the authority so it is just my opinion and I'll keep it to myself.

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  24. I think there is now very little dissonance between my "style' and "dressing my age' at this point in my life, although many women my age don't dress as "young' as I do. I can't think of anything I have that is my "style" that is age "inappropriate". Why, I think that means I have achieved harmony with the Universe.

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