My closet was purged and restocked with things I love and I do not have so many of those 'I have nothing to wear' or 'everything looks hideous on me' moments any more. I own well fitting clothes for work and play, casual, formal and everything in between. I know what I like and I don't do too much of fantasy buying. I like to think I own my style and wear my clothes with confidence and no regrets.
So far, so good...
Only, sometimes, I have those moments of feeling that I got it all wrong. Wrong style, wrong look, just WRONG ME, going straight back to my clumsy, uncool, makeover needing self.
I had one of those moments last Sunday, in church, of all places. I don't remember what I was wearing, but there was this couple right in front of us. The woman was wearing flared chambray trousers, some kind of short but flowy gray cardigan, and kind of athletic footwear that somehow looked cool and just right with her outfit and an oversized canvas/leather bag. She is probably at least ten years younger than me, naturally beautiful, 15 pounds thinner and with layered, thick, brown hair cascading half way down her back. Her husband put his arm around her shoulder and gently pushed a strand of hair from her face, with this glazed over, 'I can't believe she is standing next to me', look.
I suddenly realized I got it all wrong. I am too fat, too old, my hair will never cooperate, my husband thinks I am OK, but nowhere near 'I can't believe she is standing next to me' adorable. My style is uncool. Who the heck wants to wear all those colorful pencil skirts, like I am stuck in the 60's or some kind of Glee addict. Nobody even remotely cool would be caught dead in my clothes, that's for sure.
|is this how my J.Crew clothes look to the outside world?|
I do know the couple in front of us, because their daughter is in the CCD class with my daughter. The kid is absolutely adorable, well behaved and looks exactly like her mother. Why is it that none of my daughters look like me? Probably nature telling me I should not be reproducing...
And then my husband innocently asked me: 'Does it take a lot of work to have a hair like this?' . Okay, so all this time, when I could at least hope this was just in my head, he has been admiring her hair too??? No doubt he also noticed that her butt looked great in those chambray trousers. And I couldn't even console myself with thinking that she is some kind of stuck up, shallow, Kardashion loving, bimbo. I have talked to her and she is low key and friendly. They just moved to town, struggling a little, trying to adjust and make new friends. There was no way I could hate her.
When we got home I stared at the content of my closet. No, she would never wear any of it, I decided. What was I thinking??? Should I throw it all out and start from scratch?
But, of course, I will never be her age again (in fact, I don't remember EVER being that age, I was always of already-too-old-age), my butt will never look half as good in ANY trousers, nothing would make my hair CASCADE and the new clothes will certainly not come with an adoring husband..
Life is just not fair, I pouted.
But since there was nobody around to even notice that, I stuffed my hair in the scrunchie and headed for the kitchen to make lunch for my not-so-adoring husband and daughter.
"Mom, you look beautiful" my daughter exclaimed as I was coming down the stairs. "Yeah baby, those pants look hot on you" my husband winked at me. "How about a glass of wine for my beautiful wife?"
OK, I am lying. Cross out the last paragraph. The timing does not work quite as well in my family. But I am sure this is just what they think, at least sometimes, right?
I did pour myself a glass of wine. And since I will never be willowy slim anyway, I sliced some cheese, too.
Have you ever had one of those days?
What triggers your self doubt and what makes you feel better?
Please share, it would be no fun without you!!!